Excerpts from Chief Justice John Roberts' High School English Essays

[muriel_volestrangler]

“Whether in the nouveau riche West Egg or the old-money East Egg, housing restrictions are a reasonable tool for maintaining property value and historic neighborhood character.”

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“Huck shows great disrespect for the Court’s precedent in Dred Scott when aiding the fugitive Jim, presumably due to liberal indoctrination by the Widow Douglas.”

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“Simply wearing a small red letter A is no great burden, and it would infringe upon the free speech of the rest of the town were Hester Prynne not to wear it.”

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“The Narrative of the Life of Frederick Douglass relates only his own views on slavery; we cannot properly assess the merits of his book without giving equal time to his slave owner.”

https://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/excerpts-from-chief-justice-john-roberts-high-school-english-essays

Via Wonkette

[highplainsdem]

1. McSweeney's has clever satire.

[John1956PA]

2. The spirit of those squibs is so close to Roberts's credo . . .

. . . that, to me, they do not feel like parody.

[rampartd]

3. ahab profiled that white whale....

[Spazito]

4. I could believe he really did write those excerpts...

even though it is satire, it is who and what he is, a despicable racist.

[Joinfortmill]

6. Never knew he was so vile.

Jeezus, I got caught and passed it on. The situation is too serious for this stuff.

[mountain grammy]

7. Haha.. someone got into the mind of John (Jim Crow) Roberts

love this one

“Please see the attached doctor’s note excusing me from reading The Narrative of Sojourner Truth, as it could cause acute psychological distress and fainting spells.”