Spurious News: Trump announces "permanent solution" to Reflecting Pool algae problem!
WASHINGTON (Spurious News Network) -- The Lincoln Memorial Reflecting Pool is one of America's true gems. It is a 2036-foot long, 167-foot wide basin located between the Lincoln Memorial and the Washington Monument. It's also one of America's leading algae producers; the pond is often green from algal blooms.
Earlier in the year, King Donald Trump announced what he claimed would be a permanent solution to the algae problem. He had it drained and the interior painted blue by a company to whom he owes several favors. It didn't stop the algae problem and in fact made it worse; the algae shows up better against the blue.
Today Trump announced a solution he guaranteed would ensure algae never grew in it again,
"I am going to have this terrible pool, which was built by Barack Hussein Obama to make me look bad, completely torn out and replaced with a Trump casino," said King Donald. "Millions of patriotic Americans will flock to our nation's capital to lose money to me."
Army Major General Antoinette Gant, commanding general of the Joint Task Force - National Capital Region and US Army Military District of Washington, immediately decried the move.
"Tell me that crazy bastard didn't say that," said General Gant. When informed he did, she was outraged. "The Reflecting Pool was built nearly 40 years before President Obama was born. It has protected status so he can't tear it out with the approval of Congress, which he won't get but we're not counting on it working because the East Wing of the White House was also on protected status. He can't build a business on the National Mall. And after bankrupting three casinos you'd think he'd be tired of casinos. Apparently he isn't."
General Gant has a plan to keep Trump from doing this.
"The commanding general of the 101st Airborne Division is sending every soldier in his division to defend the Reflecting Pool. Part of the Army's job is defending the capital. I just never even dreamed I'd have to defend it from my own president."