So why do I feel guilty?

[Bernardo de La Paz]

18. Some therapists make a distinction between inner critic (attacking) and inner voice (supportive)

I think the names can be misleading and the roles are more real.

We all have inner dialogues. We need to examine ourselves and find things to improve and things to support. The key is not only balance, but recognition of usefulness. No internal dialogue partner is completely good or completely bad, but some are less helpful than others.

The inner critic (or other name) does have usefulness in identifying what to pay attention to and to improve on. But it is often also harmful by sabotage and jacking up negativity. Ditch the negativity ( "oh you again" ) and try to figure out what to sort out usefully and what to deal with usefully, if anything this time. Defeatist, nihilistic, sabotaging cuts from the inner critic shouldn't be ignored because they return repeatedly if that is tried. They need to be dealt with in proper times and places, but lightly by acknowledging their existence, considering whether any new insight or realizations are at hand, and quickly moving on if there are none in the offing so that ground that has been plowed before is not plowed for the 20th time this week or year.

The inner voice (better self, higher power, if you like) is useful to be supportive. It too can do harm by being deceptive and giving false hope and complacency. Much of the affirmations industry may be well-intentioned but ends up being candy floss, kitten's hair and dandelion seeds: lovely to look at but an insubstantial waste of time. Mental pats on the back and a little glow from doing good and doing good work are supportive and very useful when kept in perspective. Satisfaction at an accomplishment does not have to be a negative thing or a guilty pleasure but it too needs balance.

Fundamentally, be nice to yourself but neither blind or rose-coloured. Mild affirmation and optimism are healthy and very powerful. Cultivate them.