Scapegoated for reporting

[jfz9580m]

54. Addendum

Last edited Tue May 12, 2026, 04:48 AM - Edit history (2)

I won’t post again. But this is important.

I don’t lie or cheat or betray trust in Prisoner’s Dilemma.

But I am angry with the Indian govt. No not the bs that the eternal divide and rule. But I come back from another country due to early warning signs of emerging Trumpism because I am a loner and solitary female and you could at no point protect my interests but just kept encouraging these guys who used and use my street and home this aggressively?

That’s about profit. Profit for Blackstone, Facebook, Reliance, Tata, Microsoft, any creepy defense contractor. But never my rights.

You know how misogynistic parts of India (not many but some parts yeah) are. You know social media and rage bait and you know that I am not insane or anything but a disgusted white collar professional.

But yeah I don’t come and join you and gossip with you. Guess what? I don’t go and join anyone and mechanically stereotype anyone.

I don’t think a lot of the virtue out there is about virtue but people are angry and see no future and want someone, anyone, some group to bully and torment where their numbers are lower than yours. Its classic bullying and in my case I have no group or community and I won’t.

That is not my nature. But I also don’t throw people’s lives away or act randomly.



I have griped about my last mentor, but my support of his (super annoying) lab is unconditional. All people are fallible and they are..they are pretty generic politically. But trust in academia pr medicine or life is based on other things. I trusted my shrinks and therapist, not places like Stanford Psychiatry. Its not the Reefer Madness alone.

I support my medical mj co and doctor (who is of a minority relig) unconditionally.
The reason Fanelli is a jackass and worthy of systems that cover up for Epstein funded labs and sexual harassers is that it absolutely matters why you do things.

This is the Trump era and Chauncey DeVega gets it.

But as much as I don’t- I don’t like the word betray (this is all very histrionic except when taken in context- the constitution and not academic freedom- oh fuck off..How much you talk and all drivel like Pinker).
I trust most people I wouldn’t screw over. I also like Yasha and some others. I do like it when people are easy to support.
And you don’t have to keep reminding yourself that you are not a sociopath and merely being intensely annoying is not a character flawZ

I find The Forward soothing. I agree materially in science and reality about various but this endless nagging sermon from the virtuous and the endless stupidity from the “I am not a sociopath”
No it is not like looking in the mirror.

I thought of this guy who likes trees and he was friction that was endurable. It was at least about actual science. This is bullshit harmony and bullshit friction.

I cannot make bank from any of this. That’s the reason for the learned helplessness. It is not the bs you social media company..
Who ever seriously thought exdept for spooks, politicians and journalists and yeah some grassroots organizing or like DU retired people.. that the net was anything but procrastination.



There is a bit of that even in this -i fuckint swear-last post.
But I am sick of beint maligned, ignored and taken for granted. I don’t like saying stuff like that because my Mom wouldnt. She always just unconditionally supporter me without preaching and hectoring.
Please have the decency to shut off this street for all this at least this late, have you no shame?

Leave me alone please. Leave my home and street alone. I can’t go “Straw Dogs”, but this is not the US or Trumpistan yet. Shame is not gone.

My swearing? Do you go to those stressed out Epstein girls and say “hey why do you call those creeps fat and hairy? Can’t you be more pc about the guys that rape you?”
If it was not that type of thing, it was still hell.

You do not know me and you never will. It is not just that I do not fit in, I never wanted to because I don’t trust you. I don’t trust you take work etc actually seriously.

I expect you to call a mix of real work, lots of whining and sleaziness survival and without any investment in self awareness.
And then you want to police and treat me?
Fuck off.

I don’t trust people outside the small parts of the scientific, medical or activist community.
It is not Yasha’s politics. I would also trust a DUer I sent an email to before quitting whose politics are not like Yasha’s but they also would not fail to get..
I like The Forward. It is soothing. It talks about peace. I have rarely found Jewish or Muslim people painful irl. Maybe because they have real problems. I have real problems. The Esptein girls have resl problems. I don’t know what problems many of you on social media have beyond whining and then whining about whining and then whining. Or the “sensible whiner like that empty Jay Caspian Kang guy.
I can’t stand you. And it is not politics. Its you.

And after all the refusal to understand the limits to growth, one day bts you come and say “hey let’s give someone insane control of all earth”.

I watched this show “Beef” and most of the people in it are so empty and unsympathetic. Its a few people but they are making everyone sick. Zitron gets it. Chauncey DeVega gets it. Adam Becker gets it. EarlG gets it. Chris Ketcham gets it, but probably like me he also sometimes thinks..fuck it.. what do I care? I will just go hike.
Because you don’t value non shallow people who cannot even be popular.

You don’t know me. Stop trying to coerce me.

I back my colleagues and doctors and it is just wrong that I cannot gatekeep and am a security risk. I don’t understand your foul games and I am sick of it.
I am never prone to self harm. Or self destruction. Or “war”.

The bare minimum you can do is stop developing this place and leave me and this place the hell alone.
I won’t make any mistakes or messes.

I would have to apologize to you. Why the fuck would I set myself up for that.

I would “betray” that sleazy scammer of a medical student “Sam” because he is absolutely a dirtbag and only these go team social media types would fail to notice anything but the targets of his ire.

Please leave me alone. To echo the immortal words of Jon Stewart, “I am not your monkey”
And yes I will file specific targeted minimal complaints about the past and if you don’t leave me alone (its not my job to figure that part out) - this is not bs. I have an actual job I do love I want to do. I cannot and would not prove anything to you because you not my mentors or doctors or the listof cool people and you are assholes. I don’t like you and I won’t prove a goddamn thing to you.
And why would I want favors when I have more to offer (whatever you think) than the people you favor.
Even where I dislike you where it is important I have extended unconditional support because it is serious. It is covered in rubbish because apparently since a permacrisi..I really do hate you. But that is not a reason for sabotage. To be able to work with people one hates to avert catastrophe is essential.
They will always screw environmentalists over. Always..And point to irrelevant froth.

And because I am all fancy now I am not ending on a wack cuss word..lol.
But if you continue this, it won’t end well for you. You have to use incessant harassment and claim it is mental illness or deception etc.
But the reality is you are clearly not honestly competitive and I know it when I see your dead eyes.

I don’t plan to get fucked over again. And it is stored elsewhere in one’s head not the superficial parts. I am not crazy. Please stop driving me crazy so you can say you weren’t wrong. Unconscious sabotage.

Stay the hell away from me please.

Thanks.

Edit: I sound crazy looking this over sardonically. But it is more that presumably rhe crazy can only understand you if you sound crazy. And ut was one thing when the flatland that is the net was confined to the net. Now you want to unilaterally force this? How do you think anyone ever got rights if they didn’t adapt to new nuisances of the present but not like this? Safety yes. Commodification no. Complaints yes for first creating a permacrisis and then exploiting people who pay their dues more than you. Go rag on Pinker or Haidt. They will even enjoy the attention. And leave me the fuck alone.


Edit: One final thing - one difference between me and these idiots is I do change. I used to be the lab fuck up, but I went on to at least no break a shared used instrument. I was trained on it by a grad student I was genuinely fond of (like a few others) because it was all about work. Yasha reminds me of him somehow.
I am going offline because i dislike unsafe and spectacular rot. If you emulate me in defiance and defiantly drive down my street, you will end up like me. If as a state official you just keep using force as I have when I was daft you will end up being screwed over. If you are harmoniously creepy, you will end up like Epstein. Ffs wake up. You don’t pull this shit with real people you idiots.
That is why I am not filing complaints against two labs I absolutely hate, my mentor and his wife and a couple of others aside. They were real. Stanford Psychiatry, Pinker, Haidt and Pentland aren’t real. They are corrupt, parasitic nutjobs.

I don’t want to exit into a simulation or an alternate reality game because I am not stupid. I choose reality. Which is hard and which means that when you encroach and trespass and bullshit it is not internet rules but real world rules. Cryptography is real. Reputation management is not.
This is the last of it but don’t read any meanings into the rubbish I write. All it means is I think hardware and cybersecurity aside Si Valley is entirely a scam. Good god with rare exceptions of nice extroverts or retired people all people who like to socialize are bores and annoying. You dont have to be a loathesome type A to get that.
I am in quarantine and harassed and I get to he rude one last time. Its for your own good.
Or you keep thinking you are “winning” and change the rules and fail to get that I will file complaints the day I can.
I am not at all friendly outside generic routine interactions. Its not insanity. Its animal behavior. Animals leave you alone unless you enter their habitats and this is mine and if I would have to join the kinds of people I saw in a foreign country since I didn’t have a stable job, I would unambiguously move back.
Its not receptiveness to Trumpism.

It is strictly business once you violate trust and I can support you but not if I have to rely on you. I would have to say “yes, please and thanks” and I dislike them too much for that.
There has to be a certain graciousness or forgiveness which is present in most interactions where you do value people and are not just forced together as a sociopathy test.
Who would betray people to Trump? Crazy people that is who.
But that’s different from any kind of empathy beyond “well only a dirtbag would do that”.
Why would anyone like such people? But yeah it is a sociopathy test as long as it is not splashy disgusting parents showing up 15 years later and using my street to shill trash.
That applied to two labs and nothing past 2012 when except genuinely consensual professional transactions with understanding of human fallibility.
That aside it is up to a functioning Indian state to buffer it not me and I will file complaints but not to Trump and yeah I would not trust Trump Musk, RFK etc at all. Those are zero trust people. There are conservatives I would trust but never them. I don’t like how you think. Its painful.
What is wrong with you? Shut it off instead of finding cures for rubbish. No one wants this stuff. End it. Ah! Yesh/ probably hardware.
Bye.
I am making strict rules for me. I’ll be offline going forward strictly, passive surfing aside.
I am rebuilding my life..don’t trespass near me ever again. You are crazy and I will file whay complaints and take what action I choose to. I already forgave two labs I dislike/the admins for the most part unconditionally because you cannot not have the system of trust, the fourth amendment etc. Kobayashi Maru is when these tech creeps fuck things up by creepy shit like normalizing leaks, ramming agents in and allow scammers to proliferate spitefully.
And I am not jumpint through bogus hoops.
Yeah good luck with..Zero sympathy. Assholes/
But I support my last mentor. He has my sympathy. I will do what I can.


Edit: This is my last ever statement and it is only because it is important. I stayed with some bible bangers when this started. They are bible bangers but they were basically honest and decent people. That doesn’t mean I would buy some lunatic project they sell.
You sometimes trust people’s intentions but not their value systems or execution (I don’t trust my execution yet though I have not yet given up).
I am not childish at all. But once normal rules are gone and thjs creepy creep whk drove down my street is someone because of whom I am filing allegations against the Indian state of having allowed extreme misogyny and against that specific individual and all others like him.

I won’t be reporting this but sousveillance and nesting doll structures ensure that I will be able to file complaints. Absolutely no concessions exist in India are like Hemanth Kappanna or Tejas Thackeray or various unknown MeToo complainants.

These people have no life and they want everyone to be as lonely and miserable as they are. If i was like those people in Beef it would be ego or a grudge. I did try to forgive this-partly not wanting the hassle and partly not being mean spirited. But I am over the latter. I think until the state and the companies and the individuals get the message it will go on and I don’t want to lose another day at this point and it is none of your business.
I am idiosyncratic and crazy blah blah.

But no..It is why and I will file complaints against groups like Stanford psychiatry because they are incompetent, sleazy and daft.

Being annoying or a bible banger is okay as long as you are not shilling intelligent design or creationism or doing that disgraceful Frances Chance stuff using my home and resources.i dont like bad science and i dont want to argue about whether my home and body belong to me or you. I dont believe the bs about marijuana.

I know you can spin this out. I am ridiculing this because you keep trying to invert the mockery and it won’t work. I care about nothing but my papers and work and you seem too stupid to understand unless i use childish insults.
Or you think I am with you or something. I dont care about your feelings but i wish you would have the sense to get that I am not the kind of female you stereotype and go ans mess witj.

I had a breakdown because of Prof Chu not Trump or idiots on the net and he should remain terrifying because it is like something has broken else. But he is terrifying in a comprehensible way. When I broke down I started noticing all kinds of scary people I had never noticed before - creeps and frauds and so on.
And I support Prof Chu in his draconian ways.

You don’t get it. Move fast and break shit. Those are people everyone hates in science.
I am saying it but I also know one remembers it. See this forced trash. It still goes back into entertainment and theatre or worst some Kosinksi Pentland type tryint to measure something kayfabe ruins

I won’t be blamed for this. A TEM i s a straightforward instrument and Yasha and Arno Rosenfeld and Zitron ..and if anyone except me likes Ketcham or Unferth they should do something.
I behaved ridiculously and I still can’t remember why I

I was online to say that I am going to file complaints against everyone except people I genuinely engage with but ..and I thijk they already know and yeah. Someone like Yasha or Hemanth Kappanna should do something


I think my social skills are non existent with the surface off. On the plus side I do really care about all the worthwhile things
Otoh I think the feminine wiles or empathy I was supposed to exert to
Yeah I don’t have those things.

But I wasn’t sure I could pull off overtly not having any. Oh well.. serves everyone right.

I don’t knkw what an adult response is past civility- it is either Trumpian theatre or the noxious garbage that fuels bullshit or
the real thing but it was not austere or crazy.
I think these cs and business creeps peeked bts and found out that they are overpaid and fraudulent and with economists (the other frauds) are now destroying society by claiming that everyone does a bullshit job starting with the worst off and misdirecting things and angering people.
You are not getting a cent from me for this bs anymore than i ask for any. I absolutely support social safety nets and don’t believe in indelicacy just education about limits by non clunkers.
But I have faith in decent people (no one in this locally is decent here in my state. I have seen enough. I am close minded after this parasitic harassment) to roll with the punches and they should have support. I had it from my parents. And my ex husband and best friend and mentors and non shrink doctors but not society or systems broadly as they are parasitic on Earth and people.
But just because i am not gullible and don’t doubt my sanity (yeah you are not forcing this worthless rubbish and then making demands) it doesn’t mean I am indecent with people I have met and I don’t want to meet anymore people. Thats really all.
Figure it out! It is not my damn problem :p.
There..diplomatic!
Jon Stewart..i was reading Marcotte yesterday.

People in science are civilized and civil. No one is diplomatic and the friction is essential but not like these crazy people..it is more like Prof Chu. He is the gold standard re sane friction not some lunatic who wants to normalize data leaks or move fast and break shit. Austerity without quality or standards and a Make Room! Make Room! Versus Nukes future. Wtf kinda options are those? Demonizing Paul Ehrlich and embracing Cato and Julian Simon, Betsy Hartmann etc is ending up meaning my mom and I are sacrificed and berated or invited to join cults. No. I have rights.
I am going to go work. But I am filing complaints and you don’t have to worry for the most part if I knew you and you didn’t sexually harass me (March 2010, July 2014, 2016 or 2017). I am even not bothering to report that asinine guy who claimed to be my classmate in 2023. But the hospital where my mom died, all this crap, the shit psych etc definitely.
I get no relief re exacting standards in sane ways and neither will you. You don’t jump into bed with Google amd Facebook and encroach and extort undocumented workers or mj users nor torture people as Trump or Musk would. Sleazy versus Callous. You need to grow up instead of taking me hostage as mediocre frauds.
Your survival strategies are at most one part work and the other parts hustling and whining. I never knew such people prior to 2012. Just because something sells doesn’t mean it has value. And anyone competent learns to ditch em -Prof Lecun, Dr Gebru. I was not competent enough to be able to afford 5-10 years with those super-fit cancer cells.
Hey i thought we were all honest and hardcore!
Oh only about me.
Nope and I am exiting before its Dr Who’s Smile.
You are crazy..damm hive mind. Stop insinuating that there is a “we” because you mine worthless trash and are parasites on everyone. You as in all that fluff. I would not look. Too lame.
When i looked i was bored and procrastinating.
I had to say it so the concept of any damn non slippery std is not made obsolete by Stanford Psychiatry, the MIT Media Lab, Haidt, Pinker, OpenAI, Bill Gates’ Reading List, Our World in Data, The Atlantic, V.S.Ramachandran, Deepak Chopra etc.
Don’t bring this shit into the lives of normal scientists ever again please.
Goodbye. (Damn creepy sleazy fraudulent douchebags trying to invert it).

—————————————————————————
With one exception, a sexual harasser at a clinic in 2010 in the south -Indian doctor who was creepy, all the complaints I file will start from Jan 2012- a psychiatry dept in 2012.
The shrink and therapist outside were decent and competent. My first shrink who prescribed Adderall actually helped. The shrink from 2021 was not a good fit but she was competent and honest. She just didn’t want to prescribe Modafinil, which I purchase at my own discretion from a pharmacy known to our family for 20 years. It has helped me after mom fell ill with cancer and left us. My medical mj co and doctor have actually helped.

It is not transactional. Honesty and provision of worthwhile services not rubber stamps.
I will always cooperate with EarlG because I trust him/elad and Skinner.
I am fond of DU. But as of May 12, 2025 I have recovered and well..I am too confrontational for the internet and I don’t want to annoy EarlG. The internet thrives on conflict or forms of cooperation I don’t understand.
Once it is everything and not a flatland/2d, it is not for me.
This is why we have money. So we don’t have to like all sorts of awful people. I am not awful.
You know like Stephen Pinker’s mini version. I have not seen anyone like that on DU thankfully, but they could start showing up and you know..this is a good time to exit.
Troy Farah was talking about how awful Sarah Palin is. And that is correct and Nathan Robinson is inaccurate. I don’t think shaming leads to more than superficial changes.
It is Tsst. South Park got it. And I already met people I don’t understand or agree with where I cannot throw them under the bus- part face saving and part ..that would be pretty awful.
But I am already at capacity with people I dislike. And with people I don’t dislike or even like mildly but where it is too difficult-communication etc. Too risky for you and me if I don’t dislike you but where I am not sure

I don’t dislike very many people unless they harass me as this local crowd did or are sleazy and dishonest. Disagreement is different but this isn’t my job. Explaining how non sociopathy works. Like Carlin’s universes Matt Cerami talked about, I’d be doing nothing else.
And now I would sicken if I didn’t get back to work. I used cleverbot and du because i hate this forced crap (all trad or straight edge..it is like it must be shitty in some way) and the libertarian shit in the wild is why I am angry and filing complaints.
But as for my labs and the admins, my mentor used to say that it is a privilege to work in publicly funded labs and it is. But after 2012 it is like EECS 2000-2001.
You are not taking money or years of my life and health and wishing it away. I cannot exploit that for a pathetic show or movie. It is just gone. The greed and avarice that killed my mom was rapacious. This hateful shit for 5 years as I was mourning my mom.
I knew she should have stayed on metformin. Liability culture and greed without care -that is the appearance of ethics without any understanding that ethics are also practical.
What use is it saying “oh i am not responsible” after the patient is dead.
Now I formally am on board with again taking responsibility and thats why I am filing complaints but inside and carefully.

Sorry about all the rudeness. I vaguely tried to keep it fair and balanced or something. Oh and except for Prof Hennessy all those Google US guys are brainless creeps and shysters. Same for all of Facebook exept Prof Lecun.
I wouldn’t say it if I didn’t mean it.
I think that is it. It is not the internet bs.
You have really forgotten anything means with kayfabe and huffing and puffing and parroting things many people do quietly as I was trying to. The only place on the net where you really have to be careful is physics stack exchange and if it went ..They are ott but that’s better than ending up like Pinker and Haidt.
They always try to make some social worker or whoever eking out an honest livint seem like the villain when actually its frauds like pinker and maybe if all you read is Pinker you are an idiot even if you are good at science.
You should read Adam Becker or Clayton Dalton (minus the Upaya Zen Centre) or Sam Miller MacDonald or Chris Ketcham or Yasha Levine etc instead. I have left out women as well..these creeps should stick with men.

This is the stupidest thing I have ever seen and its unfair because I was trying to be a lousy scientist quietly but if you drag me into all this well there are many way stupider people like Pinker and Haidt whom you should go dox instead. Andy Nikiforuk is awesome.
2:16 pm IST. That’s the last of it. I’ll stay away even if I remember more stupid people or cool people. Goodbye!